Do You Give More Oral Sex Than Receive?

Oral Sex – the more you give, the more you get, right?
Well, in a perfect world that is how I think it should be. You give your lover oral sex, then your lover makes a mental note (if they do not reciprocate right at that very moment) that they owe you one. And next time you two play, it’s your turn to receive oral sex. Without feeling like it’s necessary to give back… unless that’s just what you like to do. (I know MANY MANY women who give b.j.’s because it really turns them on. But even those women want to receive oral sex, too. One would think those lucky men who have a partner who loves to give B.J.’s would do EVERYTHING in their power to encourage her sweet b.j. behavior.

Why doesn’t it work that way in so many relationships? I am sure my data is skewed because most of my research happens at our Athena's Home Novelties Parties – which means I mostly hear from women. But, I hear from women constantly that they have stopped giving their partners oral sex because the “score” is so out of balance. They feel like they give 10 b.j.’s or more to the 1 time they receive. Please tell me that this is not the case all over America.

In my perfect Athena's bedroom wishes for all of you is the kind of love making where both partners feel equally taken care of emotionally and physically. I tend to coach women and men that a good rule of thumb is “Her, Him and then Her again.” If “he” takes good care of her orally or in the way she enjoys her foreplay, it pays off for him 10 fold when she is super turned on. Giving her lots of pleasure orally, aurally or with your hands and fingers will turn her into a super lusty lover. Then, that makes “his” experience that much more memorable.

Now, I know I cannot discount the fact that many women have some discomfort receiving oral sex. They often have trouble “recieving” anything sexually because women tend to be givers or pleasers. (Not all, but certainly a large percentage. And women have all of these issues in their brains about how their vulva looks. We worry about how our vagina tasts and smells, too. I rarely hear men talking about how they don’t want to recieve a blow job because they did not get to trim the weeds that day.

What do you think? How can we end this oral sex disparity that I hear so much about? Are things pretty even in your bedroom?

Kissing

Kissing is a delicate art and must be taken slowly with a new partner. It can be part of foreplay/sex - or simply an incredibly enjoyable act of romance and intimacy in its own right.
A good kisser knows how to pace themselves, has an active imagination, and understands what their partner likes or may not expect, but will enjoy. When kissing, remember the following: never slobber (though moistened lips are fine and helpful), don't stare and always pay attention with your non-visual senses (touch, hearing, etc.). Also, there is no such thing as 'too slow'.
If you are unhappy with a kiss then chances are your partner is going to feel the same way. The best thing you can do is relax, and not just in your body, but your face, lips, neck, everywhere. Be relaxed and confident with how you kiss. Let yourself go with the flow of the moment and savour every second of it.
While you are kissing, remember to use your hands, nose, and breath to entice your partner's senses. Everyone enjoys being touched anbd caressed while being kissed. Use your hands to gently caress the cheek, the jawbone, the back, arms, and collarbone. A gentle exhalation of air (remember that good mouth hygiene is important), can provide your partner with extremely light, warm feelings on their face, mouth and neck that are quite arousing.
Never "attack" someone when you kiss them, unless they like that sort of thing - and most people don't. Treat their lips like you would a dangerous creature. Move in slow and prepare for the kiss. Initial contact should be lips only, firm, yet gentle. React to how your partner is kissing. If they speed up, speed up with them. If they slow down, follow suit. Try to synchronize your actions with one another and always pay attention to their body language.
The following is a list of some simple techniques to spice up a kiss:
French Kiss~ Usually romantic or sexual in nature (so not usual for a 'first date', in which one person's tongue touches the other's tongue and usually enters his or her mouth.

Triumverat~ Kiss between the eyes, on the tip of the nose, and then on the lips.
Top and Bottom~ Kiss the top lip, then the bottom lip, then both.

Lickable Lips~ Run the tip of your tongue along your partner's lips.

Earlobecstacy~ Gently kiss, nibble, and suck on the earlobe.
Facial Lines~ Trace the neck and jawbone with your lips and tongue.

The Big Tease~ Kiss everywhere but the lips, until your partner pulls you to their lips.
Caressed Lips~ Rub your finger gently across their lips and then go in for a kiss.

Sensuality~ Look in their eyes and whisper you want to kiss them. Press your lips gently to theirs', caress their lips with yours and then give her/him a passionate kiss.
Cheeky~ Gently brush cheeks with your partner.

Eskimo Kiss~ Gently rub the tips of your noses together.
Butterfly~ Brush eyelashes with your partner. Make a fluttering motion of the eyelash by quickly opening and closing the eye.

Rose Petals~ Make a small "O" with your lips. Press your lips against your partner's skin and suck softly. Lift your lips off a little, move over slightly, and repeat.
Hostage Kiss~ Cover your lips with tape and get your partner's attention. When they come near, make noises like you're trying to tell them something and motion as if you can't get the tape off. Once they remove the tape from you to hear what you're trying to say, tell them, "I've been saving my lips all day just for you!" Then kiss them passionately.

Strawberry Secret~ Place a strawberry in your mouth without your partner knowing. Crush the strawberry in your mouth and feed some to your partner while you kiss.
Cold as Ice~ Put a piece of ice in your mouth without your partner knowing. Kiss them on the neck and let the ice softly touch their skin.

Back Kisses~ Snuggle up behind your partner and proceed to cover their back with little kisses.
Foot Kisses~ When your lover comes home from work, or wherever, wash their feet and give them a massage. While you're giving them the massage, lean over and give little kisses on their feet.

Hershey's Kiss~ Try not to kiss your partner all day. Throughout the day leave Hershey's kisses or some sort of romantic candy in places that they will know it's for them. Later in the day start leaving notes with poetry or quotes on kissing for them. After that, leave a love letter describing how you'd like to kiss them and the satisfaction that it would bring you. Once you feel they've had enough teasing, spend sometime rewarding them with lots of kissing! This is rewarding for yourself as well, since you've been thinking about kissing them all day too.
Red Light Kiss~ When in the car with your partner, every time you stop at a red light, lean over and kiss them until the light goes green.

Recorded Kiss~ Record the sound of yourself blowing a kiss. Then either e-mail it to your partner or leave a note somewhere with instructions to press play.
Video Kiss~ Record on a videotape or web cam yourself blowing kisses to your partner and tell them how much you miss them.

E-mail Kiss~ Draw or animate a pair of lips kissing. Then send it to your sweetheart.
The Lost Kiss~ Look around your partner, looking under things and appearing like you're searching for something. When asked what you're looking for, say "I've been looking for a kiss all day but I can't find one anywhere. Oh wait, I found it." Then give your partner a kiss.

Wake Up Kiss~ Before your partner awakes, lean over and kiss their cheek. Then give soft kisses across their cheek until you reach their lips.
Make Up Kisses~ At the end of the day, sit down with your partner and ask them how his/her day went. Silently keep track of all the bad things that happened during the day. When he/she is finished, give them a kiss for each one. When asked what you are doing, say you are helping make up for all those bad things.

Post-It Kiss~ Make a post-it note trail that leads to your lips. On each note leave a lipstick kiss and an arrow or clue to find the next note. Place the last note over or near your lips.

Full Body Meltdown~ While your partner is laying down, slip over to them and start running your tongue, very gently, up their leg, arms, reaching their lips give them a full passionate kiss.
The Grandious Tease~Softly run your fingers across your partner's lips, lure them in to kissing you, but before you kiss, pull away and then go in for the kiss, then pull away again, etc., etc.

So now you know how to 'kiss with a difference', all you need to do is go try it out. Remember, a badly executed kiss is a real turn-off, but a great kiss is memorable and can be totally seductive...